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Weak Warning
M. O. ENE
New Jersey, USA Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Ol’ Boy, why are you whispering? You didn’t hear of the warning against our weak hangout?
Ehen? He who gathers ant-infested woods invites lizards to brunch. We are supposed to be strong and stable, not weak. So why are you whispering as if you were a weakened kidnap victim stealing a text message? BTW, are you in the United States? No, I am on campus catching up on some readings. Well, the warning is worldwide, isn’t it? When one fingers encounters oil, the others soon get greasy.
So someone will come over to your college campus in Warsaw, Poland, capture you for commenting on our weak hangout, and convict you of a crime you did not even think of committing? Tufiakwa! What one does not know should not know him.
Good. Why are you swallowing Tylenol for a weak-hangout headache? So you guys over there are still talking? They say that the weak warning was so walloping even women walk with a limp; that they no longer sashay with flamboyant parachute-like headgears in Whoston, Texas!
Maybe on Howston Street, New York City, New York! Who’s been feeding you such grotesque garbage? Are you saying that “nothing mege,” that “o nweghi ihe na-eme”? I heard this evening that the 'tory" is getting ‘K-leg’!
Nothing is happening! This is still the land of the free and home of the brave. Yes, there has been an almost cataclysmic collapse of cyberspace communication…. My brother, that’s big “bukuru” bunkum. Fact is that I have never seen something that made Ndiigbo to shut up like this before-o! Not even the combined air power of Russian and Britain delivered by Egyptian pilots made Ndiigbo chill this much! Nnaa meen, Bekee wu agbara! Who said Ikemba Nnewi is not a hero!
Oh shut-up? Were you born during the war? Taa, mechie onu gi! Am I not talking to you? Are you not the one whispering from Warsaw? Nwanna, please leave matter for Matthias: Warsaw once saw war and warred no more.
That explains why you are dancing in your pants like a day-old “we-e-we”… the oil-bean leaf-chewing caterpillar of some special butterfly that Udi people eat. I don’t know about that one; I am not from Enugu State. What I know is that something just happened to Ndiigbo… something that we must analyze.
You mean that Ohanaeze should have gone to Gabon, not allow MASSOB to upstage it with the “international passport” brouhaha?! Forget Bongo and MASSOB for now; I am talking about the power of law.
Oh I see! The rule of law is great indeed. That’s why Igbo societies sustained over centuries without wars, without kings, without prisons, and without organized law enforcement. I see. But this is happening in America, and it sadly and shamefully weakens Ndiigbo.
Something that weakens Ndiigbo is a terrible thing; the demise of such a thing should be celebrated, not mourned. If we keep fighting all night for an “ogbanje” child not to die, we sometimes dare it to die and see if dawn depends on the wish of that evil child. I disagree!
You are now shouting… from whispering to shouting! We cannot allow this child to die. Every life is special; we must preserve the sanctity of life. It is our religion. Politically, we are rugged republicans; our strength is in our ability to jaw-jaw endlessly and carry everyone along.
Carry everyone along, yes; jaw-jaw endless, “wa”! No way, my brother; I say no to endless talks. Okay, how can you carry everyone along if you don’t jaw-jaw?
Nothing against jaw-jaw, but after 15 years of endless talks, it’s time we moved to carrying everyone along. To carry everyone along, you buy new luxury buses and junk the “kaikai” or "a kwusi, a nuwa ogu" buses that are prone to accidents. How? First, let the damaged demigods die slowly but surely. Then allow the dead gods to bury themselves. You mean allow the weak warning to kill our hangout altogether?
Weak worn-out hangout, yes; “kill,” no one is killing your hangout – your haunted hangout just passed its sell-by date. Let it expire. What’s your underpinning philosophy for such a stand?
Simple: I see opportunity in every misfortune. 'Professor Obama of Igboland’; please ‘teacher’ me!
Now, if you will be serious for a minute, I will explain. I believe that our Igbo ancestors said all there is to be said about life. And everything else is embellishment?
We are not there yet; we can fill up some holes before embellishing. When a child says his mother shall not sleep…. Well, the child is not suddenly going to have sleep as a friend.
And when the ant stings the buttock…. It becomes wiser.
Okay, what do we say about the pot of wine that portends ill between in-laws? Let it break on the way.
You are the son of your father. Or so my Mom says.
You Mom is a wise woman, wiser that a wise Latina…. Ha ha! I don’t get that….
It’s an American thing… something Obama’s first Supreme Court nominee Ms. Sonia Sotomayor must have said about … don’t worry about it. Oh, you get CNN International… stay tuned! Moving along, I say that God loves Ndiigbo so much S/He always gives them a way out of serious situations. As was done in 1966?
Come to think of it, yes. Nigeria was going to unravel. Ndiigbo stuck out their necks, used the blood of their brethren to pacify earthly demigods, and glued Nigeria back together. They are still holding the country together…. Yes, yes, I know your theory that Ndiigbo are the thread that weaves the colorful Nigerian tapestry; take them out and Nigeria will unravel. But, let refocus, what about our annual weak hangout, the jamboree, the feel-good, feel-important hangout…..?
Oh, I just heard the weak warning foreclosed that happening this year. No hang-out?! Won’t some people go bunkers?
Nwanna, chi ga-eji; chi ga-abo. This too shall pass but, if you disturb its passage, nothing will be gained. In fact, stopping the wind of the gods may rustle up an ill-wind that will weaken… no, forget “weak”… a tsunami that will set Ndiigbo back another 40 years. Forget your weak thoughts for annual weakened hangout. No way; you cannot say that!
Don’t stop breathing, my friend: I didn’t cause this commotion. Someone stuck his finger into his behind and did what adults don’t do: stick the finger to his nose! That’s gross.
But it is true! “Eziokwu bu ndu.” What is the solution? you ask. You are not listening. You do nothing. In fact, we should all contribute money to keep the weak warning waxing stronger. By December, people will find other things to occupy their interests. Life will never be the same again!
Life is always the same; people and societies change. Social change is constant. Life? Life never changes; life expires. Your hangout is weakened to the point of expiring. We will just go back to being useful with our time and to our towns. You mean we should try town unions?
Try? That’s the way to go. I have been preaching it for years. If you send all impostors and their clapping clowns back to their towns, they will not qualify for the position of after-wash couriers. Town unions are the way to go. If we can impact lives in our villages, we will come together to learn from each other, from concrete accomplishments, not mega-thoughts about phantom Ndiigbo and “maga-maga” memoranda. What about Igbo diaspora?
Ditto. You live in Warsaw, right? Good: You have Igbo Poland in Warsaw. As an Igbo in Essex, New Jersey, I am Igbo USA, Essex Chapter. That way, everyone knows which lizard is suffering from bellyache. Any day that a national or global get-together is necessary, it shall come to pass. Otherwise, each entity feeds off the successes of the other. Someday, common interests shall arise. And dawn shall come after the darkness of early morning.
Yes, the sun shall again rise from the ashes of weakened infernos. Thank you, my minute credit is almost done…. Unless you want to call me back…
No, I won’t call you back; I don’t do international text; and don’t you “flash” me! Ha ha!
Weak warning forever! I am loving the development! Even after August and with one weak week to our annual hangout?
Weak warning forever! I am loving it, baby. Bye! Good bye, Maazi KillJoy! |