American dreams… a nightmare?

Michigan, USA

 Saturday, May 1, 2004

I found Maazi Hank Eso’s Destructive Tendencies: Egwu Mgbashiriko insightful. I learned something of the foundation of Igbo family life. Please, allow me to share my reactions. May I begin with a this story?

After World War II, valiant African-American soldiers, who risked life and limb for his country, returned home with dreams of a brighter future. They were met with resentment and violence. It was sport to find a Black man in uniform and lynch him! Black men were not allowed to succeed. They were threatened and harassed. Those who succeeded did so against many obstacles.

African-American women had to go out to find work to support the family. Many worked as domestics. Homes splintered as men failed to provide for their families. The courts and welfare system "rewarded" the legally separated or divorced woman with housing, food, medical care, financial allowances, and sole custody of the children. In the early days, homes were subject to random inspection for "booze" and the hide or hair of men. Demoralizing! Any signs of either could mean a woman being cut-off from "aid."  There was no drive to bring couples to reconciliation. The Black two-parent family began its steep decline. All these fueled the demand for better employment opportunity by way of the Civil Rights Movement and the desegregation of schools.

You know this story.

The Civil Rights Movement and Affirmative Action opened many doors for women and African Americans. If one happened to be African American and a woman, one served as a "double-minority" for companies. Rather than to hire a Black man and a white woman (two employees), one Black woman would do.

So, she climbs the socioeconomic ladder. Every rung goes higher and higher, till in some areas, she’s a notch above her husband… if she happens to have one. She is now in the state of mind that she and her children are better without him.

Are you having déjà vu, yet?

I’m not suggesting that the circumstances among African Americans are identical in Igbo communities. I know they are vastly different. For one example, where the unemployed African-American man may suffer due to lack of education, there are Igbo men holding doctorates that are unemployed. It’s a battle!

The battle, however, should not be between husband and wife. I am merely writing to say that men and women, husbands and wives … are on the same side. We are allies, aren’t we? The absence of dialogue, the absence of negotiation, and the presence of fear are the enemies.

When spouses fight with each other, it’s our children who feel the blows. Perhaps, something helpful can be gleaned from all the studies that sociologist and psychologists have done on African Americans over the years. Perhaps, while you are here in America, you can learn from our mistakes.

Covering all of America with one dirty blanket is harsh. We are nations within a nation. We are as diverse as the languages in Nigeria. Since I know that within a 10-year span I have met some decent Ndiigbo of like values as my husband and myself, it is unbelievable that one cannot make precious friends and valuable acquaintances possessing qualities worth emulating. There are churches, community organizations, fraternities, and neighborhood groups and individuals that are angels amongst us. Don’t you know any?

If you look at us closely, there are even some of us Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis’, Dr. and Mrs. Bill Cosby,  and Mr. and Mrs. Denzel Washingtons who enjoy longevity in marriage and have some "Emeka Okafors" of our own to brag about.

Bottom line: Culture is paramount! It was ripped from African Americans; we feel the void. There must be a way to live here, prosper, and remain strong families without sacrificing its essence.

Ka Chukwu gozie Ndiigbo, tumadi n’ Amerika.

We want you to survive and thrive and be successful here. We want to know what good that African culture, void of slavery, can produce in this capitalist, western society.

There is an old play that is still timely. It merits a "look-see." The play is entitled "Raisin in the Sun". It was written by a visionary woman, Ms. Lorraine Hansberry. It was written in 1959. The story is about a family that is waiting on an insurance check. Mr. Younger, the patriarch of the family,  has died and left the money. Everyone in the home has his or her  own ideas and dreams of how the money can best benefit and advance the family.

Three generations are living in a cramped apartment. When the Mr. Younger and his wife moved in, they had only hoped to stay there a few weeks. Thirty years have passed! The son dreams of owning his own business; the daughter is in college and dreams of being a doctor;  the wife of the patriarch, Mrs. Younger,  dreams of a new home. There is a grandson and another child on the way. Who sacrifices his or her  dream that the others may live? What is best for this family? Aren’t we still asking this question?

Langston Hughes