THE GUARDIAN: EDITORIAL/OPINION

Tuesday, January 25, 2005   

DEAR godfather,

Please pardon me for using this open forum to get in touch with you. You must be aware that for the past few months I have been prevented from getting in touch with you by your numerous security men that include the regular police, the mobile police, the ordinary security men who were motor park touts a few years ago and the many hangers on labelled advisers, public relations officers and special assistants. I understand that my Deputy Governor has visited you a few times within this period and he was not hindered from getting to your August presence. Perhaps he has a secret code that helps him overcome the numerous barriers but that is neither here nor there. Suffice it to say that I have made efforts to get in touch and I am using this open letter as a last resort.

First let me wish you a happy and prosperous New Year. May you grow in stature as not only the prominent godfather in our state but ultimately as the prominent godfather in our country so that even the president will obey your every whim and caprice. May your ability to select all the political contestants and eventual winners in the state grow to the extent that before 2007 you will be in a position to dictate all those that will contest and win elections in all the states in the country. May all the other godfathers, including those labelled "strong men of local politics" become obedient to you so that your name will now become the "godfather of godfathers" before 2007. I know that all these wishes are in your own interest and they coincide with all your private wishes.

They also coincide with my own wishes as part of my plans for "life after the Governorship period". Let the godfather live and let the godson live and the one who says "no" to the other let all the spirits, demons and witches who participated at the oath-taking ceremonies visit unimaginable evil on that one. It is interesting to note that you did not compel me to jump over a coffin in order to convince yourself that I will always be loyal to you. You rather asked me to sign some papers and later took me to a mysterious shrine where we swore an oath to respect the requirements of our agreement as godfather and godson respectively. I am really grateful for that understanding which has existed between us for one year now.

After wishing you a happy and prosperous New Year that will lead to a triumphant 2007 let me address you properly by recounting some of your titles and praise names. This oriki will greatly convince the readers and those who know you by name only to realise many of your unique qualities as a politician and godfather. Godfather! Babake. Mutum Biu! The python who owns the forest. The vulture with a ring around its neck. The only man greeted with the plural form of "you people are welcome". The exploded seed that knocked out the elephant. The grass that grows in dry and wet season. The moon that shines for the public.

The sun that cannot be eclipsed. The scorpion that stings at will. The snake whose venom has no antidote. The Chief of chiefs. The High Chief greater than High Priest. The only political priest that does not need to be ordained. The pig that dresses in more finery than the elegant antelope. The one whose wealth is counted in billions. The beloved son of the devil. The godson of Satan. The right-hand man of Lucifer. The evil greater than evil. Those are the titles that may not be known to your millions of invisible supporters.

But let me recite a few of the other titles publicised by the newspapers and less than factual magazines published in this country. You know that it is said that one acquires goodwill from the home before the public recognition. Thus your ordinary titles, chieftaincy titles and religious denominational titles emanated first from your hometown. You were made the "Ogbu fiam " the killer in a twinkle", by your village, Umu Iberibe. The "obele nsi tapalu n'ike "the little shit perched in the anus" by your hometown of Obodo Nzuzu. Later you became the Agbero of Agberoke; the High Chief of Abimbole; the Mai wayo of Adamawa; the political Nyarinya of Kaduna; the Onye oshi of Umuoshi; the Danburuba of Kano; the Akamba Unam of Calabar; the Wayo of Urhobo land; the Olosi of Ibadanland and the Master of Abomination of Aba. With such titles you are well respected, well feared and well avoided by all and sundry. Of course the public knows that such titles are not given in vain and they do not want to join their ancestors soon by entering into conflicts with you.

Anyway, let me not bore you with those titles you know very well as well as some other titles that not many people know because they are accessible to only members of the secret cults. Since you belong to 20 of them it will take too much time to enumerate and I am aware that your attention span is brief especially with so many contending godsons and penurious visitors. So let me proceed to the main reason for writing this open letter. I understand that you have been holding meetings with the Deputy Governor, the Commissioner for Finance, the Commissioner for Works and the Commissioner for Commerce and Industries as well as the Speaker of the House of Assembly. I have also been informed unofficially that your main grouse is that I have not increased the money that you received from the State Government through dubious and unexecuted contracts on a monthly basis.

I consider the N300 million you have been receiving a great strain on our budget. You are aware that our monthly subvention is a little over N1 billion and you usually take about 30 per cent of that allocation. Your view that we should increase your godfather remuneration will affect the state adversely. You are aware of our large numbers of civil servants, teachers and other employees. The State House of Assembly has been demanding increased remunerations for all kinds of services unrendered and fictitious and the workers in the Judiciary are equally anxious to get what everybody now regards as the financial dividend of democracy. I am enumerating the above issues in order to convince you that I have been sincere in my relationship with you as the godfather.

Please bear in mind that our roads are dilapidated; our sources of water supply moribund and our infrastructures in a great state of disrepair. All these responsibilities must be tackled in order to convince or confuse the general public in that state that we are working in their interest. I do not think that it is fair for you to plot with the Deputy Governor in order to replace me through fair or foul means. In addition your constant trips to Abuja in order to malign me as disobedient to the President is neither fair nor true. When we have a personal meeting I will elaborate. Meanwhile, I still remain your faithful godson. The Governor of our poor state.