Clash of cultures

 

ACHO ORABUCHI

 Dallas, Texas

 

aorabuchi@netzero.net

 

Thursday, September 14, 2006

 

As African immigrants work relentlessly to pass down their culture to their children in the Diaspora, they’re cognizant of the fact of the existence of significant clash between their home culture and the new one. In any case, the American culture and law, favorable to women as many may claim, seem to paralyze the African males, particularly the Nigerian men, to the degree of total submission and hopelessness.

 

Unlike in Africa where a man could resolve a marital problem by simply marrying another woman without getting a divorce from the current one, the American law prohibits such action. In the US, bigamy is against the law—well, except in some parts of Utah where some members of religious sects roam with more than one wife. The bigamy law seems to be a chokehold on African men whose pride and arrogance have been checkmated by the American law and culture. Some African men feel frustrated and hopeless contending with the aspect of American culture that deprives them of the opportunity to have more than one wife.  

 

The two seminal variables, law and culture, are more profound when an African man is going through marital problems or divorce from a wife he brought from home—Africa. It’s pertinent to note that divorce is now common among Africans, especially Nigerians in America. It’s become a common means to end marital problems. However, in some cases the problems never seem to go away long after the divorce. In most cases, some of these divorces, African divorces in the Diaspora, are nothing, but messy and destructive to children. The recurring sad stories of African men going through a divorce from their native wives are replete with comments such as these: “American law favors these women.” This could not happen in Africa (Nigeria).” “America gives these ladies too much freedom, too many rights.” “She wants to get all the money she could.” “She’s only after child support.” “She even wants spousal support.” “If I were in Africa, I would have married another wife.” “She wants to control me.” She wants to dictate what will happen.” The list goes on, at least, from the perspective of the men. On the other hand, the women often say the following: “This is America; this is not Nigeria.” “I can do without you.” “I’ve the freedom to do what I want.”

 

In all these, I’m most struck with this comment by a woman who was having conjugal problems with her husband: “I’m no longer in love with him.” No longer in love with him! That typifies many Nigerian marriages that in the face of buoyancy seem to harbor a violent temper simmering beneath the surface. So many people have been able to cover their marital problems from the Nigerian community. Some of these people put on show to temporarily cover up their internal rage from outsiders. Nevertheless, fear of eruption always lurks behind such pretense.

 

Though the discussion on the factors that give rise to the African divorces in the Diaspora is not within the purview of this article, the causes, however, could have been reluctantly accepted by the women in Africa to remain in the marriage. It would have been culturally pilloried for them to leave their marriages. Culturally speaking, it’s a taboo for women to leave or abandon their marriages; divorce seems to be rare in Africa for two reasons. The culture frowns at it. Secondly, the culture allows men to have more than one wife.

 

Unlike the recent immigrants, those who came to America in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s came primarily for education and planned to go back. The frustration of remaining abroad—self-exile—seems to compound the discernible disgusting psyche. The present state of mind of some African immigrants, particularly Nigerian immigrants to the U.S. breeds rant and rave in their respective relationships.

 

The impact of cultural clash seems to be overwhelming on some immigrants than others. Some people tend to accommodate the new culture better than others. Still, there are immigrants who have adopted the concept of cultural assimilation. These individuals seem to do well within the American culture. That said, it’s disconcerting to see the alarming rate of divorce among Nigerians in US. It would rather be a flawed assertion to blame the epidemic on American law and culture. It’s about personal responsibility.